Breaking The Fourth Wall
by oursolemnhour49
Summary: The Death Note cast has some things to say to all us fanfiction authors. Here are their 'suggestion' letters. Slightly crack-ish. T because of Mello. COMPLETE!
1. Sincerely, Mello

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_First things first. I am not attracted to Matt or Near. _

_At all. _

_Let me explain: Matt is good for video-game tips, not relationships. And you need your heads examined if you think I'd ever fall for Near. I'd rather be boiled alive in hot chocolate (come to think of it, I'd like that more than the way I actually ended up going) than get romantically involved with that loser. We'd kill each other. _

_And as for pairing me with your lousy original characters- setting all other considerations such as character consistency aside, I would be a fucking awful boyfriend (Mafia and kidnappings, anyone?). Send them after someone who will appreciate their 'sexiness' (i.e. NOT ME)._

_Sincerely, Mello._

_P.S. That said, anytime you want to fill your stories with descriptions of __my__ sexiness, go right ahead. We all know I'm the best dressed man in the series._

* * *

**Saw these in the Harry Potter Fandom first... And then I got bored at work and started jotting these down. I'm going to try to do one for every character.  
**

**Review! (please...)**


	2. Sincerely, Ukita

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Remember me? In Ch. 15 in the manga, I'm that guy smoking a cigarette and getting harassed by telephone calls from idiots who think they're Kira._

_Not ringing a bell?_

_I thought it wouldn't… everyone forgets about me. Even though I have incredible ears that make me look like a monkey, nobody knows who I am._

_Let me refresh your memories. I'm the lone policeman who took the initiative to go after Sakura TV when they were airing the second Kira's broadcast. And I got killed for it._

_Why aren't there more fics about my tragic death? When I collapse, L is actually shaking with emotion! My death is that moving! Give me a backstory! Give me something! Really, I'll take anything. It's tough when no one remembers your name._

_Sincerely, Ukita._

* * *

**Thank you, iatethecookie for reviewing! I'm glad someone likes my strange sense of humor/snark. Just to clarify for others, this fic is not meant to be taken seriously at all; it's more of a knock on cliches. If MelloxMatt floats your boat, that's your business- but there are just so many out there**...

**Anyhoo, if this makes you laugh at least a little, that's all I'm hoping for. And that review button's right below...  
**


	3. Sincerely, Matsuda

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Look on TV Tropes' page for Death Note. I'm officially designated a "Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass." You all seem to remember the first part of that label really well, but it would be really nice if you remembered the second! I'm not just dead weight and comedy relief on the investigation, you know! If not for me, Light would have gotten away with killing Near in the warehouse! I essentially saved the world from Kira! Why doesn't anybody remember that?_

_Hold on, I've got to run. Ryuzaki wants me to go get another order of ice cream. I'm not sure why he wants me to do it, but I'd better go. I bet the others would get the wrong flavor or something. _

_Sincerely, Matsuda._

* * *

**Thanks so much to everyone who's alerted/favorited this! And to the brave reviewers, you especially make my day. **

**A word on how updating will work- I'm going to do three chapters a weekend (one Friday, one Saturday, one Sunday). It lets me spread out the story, which would otherwise be over really fast. Thank you all so much for reading! See you next Friday! **


	4. Sincerely, Aizawa

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I'M MORE THAN JUST MY HAIR! STOP REFERRING TO ME AS 'THE GUY WITH THE AFRO'! _

_There is a wealth of unexplored characterization in my part. I leave the investigation due to family considerations, and from all appearances, my interactions with my family are more than a little troubled (i.e. the scene with my daughter and wife in the park). There's potential for a story in that. Not to mention that I'm the first one to start believing that Light Yagami might be Kira, and I'm the only one who goes to Near after he throws the initial bombshell of Light being Kira in our laps. I also become Chief of the NPA after the investigation. But in every single story you write, I'm a minor character with an afro (which, by the way, is gone by the end of the story), and sometimes a temper._

_Long story short: I'm more than just my hair._

_Sincerely, Aizawa._

* * *

**Sorry, Aizawa, but your hair is just so memorable... **

**Every reviewer gets a virtual chocolate bar from Mello! (Mello: Wait a minute!) **

**And yes, this is a little early. Maybe I'll do an extra one this weekend to make up for it...  
**


	5. Sincerely, L

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I am considered the world's greatest detective. Many of you seem to be aware of this, but do not think through what it actually means._

_I am approximately twenty-five years old at the time of my death. My reputation as the world's greatest detective has been long established by the time I begin work on the Kira case. Therefore you can assume that I have been exposed to violence and criminality from a very early age. In addition, I describe myself as childish and hating to lose. _

_Such a person is not likely to have good relationships. Not with outsiders, and certainly not with a criminal. Moreover, a likely mass murderer who is bent on killing me is not someone I would be drawn to under any circumstances. And the likelihood of said criminal being attracted to me is low to the point of being non-existent. _

_I would like to add that the only times I refer to percentages are when someone asks me about the likelihood of something, or when I am trying to pin down a criminal. I do not use such numbers casually._

_Sincerely, L._

* * *

**This one feels really dry compared to the others- but then again, it is L. **

**This story is getting hits at a ridiculous rate, by the way. You guys are wonderful! And if you review, I'm sure L has some extra cake...  
**


	6. Sincerely, Wedy

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_For the love of all things holy, why am I paired with Aiber all the time? I mean, I don't mind the guy, but he's married and doesn't shave. Not that he's unattractive, but I've got better things to be doing with my time then chasing a married man- like overriding the security system of this bank here. Hang on just a second._

_All right, system successfully hacked. Now back to you guys- I'm a female character in a story with a chronic lack of them, and L has enough confidence in me to show me his face as the world's greatest detective. Why does no one ever think to take advantage of this? There's story potential in that! Not that I'm interested in L or anything, but a fic about how he and I ran across each other would make a refreshing break from all your thrice-damned OCs. _

_Oh, and you OCs who don't like my smoking? Tough._

_Sincerely, Wedy._

* * *

**I've only seen a few fics featuring Wedy in any way... she needs more appreciation. I should add in fairness that the only OC I've seen to knock Wedy's smoking is Erin Blogger in _Story of the Century_ (who's a good example of a solid OC).**

**Reviewers get a date with Aiber! (Don't look at me that way! He _is _really good looking... and married. Never mind.)  
**


	7. Sincerely, Ryuk

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I've known Rem for a thousand or so years now. She never does anything other than stand around and watch the other Shinigami gamble. If we ever wanted to get it on, we would have done it a while ago. Besides, she's boring. Trust me on that. She'd never break that law about Shinigami hooking up. And there's no way I'm going to risk my neck for someone that bland. If I was going to bend the rules and have a fling with someone, it won't be her. So long story short, don't pair me with her._

_And another thing: I almost never show up in any of your stories. Which is weird, since none of this chaos you humans call Death Note would have happened if I hadn't gotten bored. So you might want to think about making me a bit more of a presence. _

_You got any apples? I can only hold this handstand for so long.  
_

_Sincerely, Ryuk._

* * *

**Yes, Rem/Ryuk romance fics exist. They are... odd. **

**Reviewers get a big basket of their favorite kind of apple! Make sure Ryuk doesn't steal it from you!  
**


	8. Sincerely, Misa

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Misa has been reading some of your stories, and she is frankly confused. _

_Why does Misa like Ryuzaki in some of your stories? Ryuzaki is trying to capture Light, who is the only one Misa will ever love! She would never like Ryuzaki or be with him! Also, Ryuzaki is too strange for Misa, and he eats too much cake._

_And why does Misa seem to have no brain in some of the other stories? She may not be as smart as Light, but Misa was able to find Light as Kira without revealing herself in Aoyama! She loves Light because he killed the burglar who murdered her parents in front of her eyes? Is that so hard to understand? And Misa was able to face confinement in a strait-jacket with nobody to talk to but a perverted stalker for more than fifty days! And she was able to prove that Higuchi was Kira! Misa may not be a genius, but I am a lot smarter than you seem to think!_

_Sincerely, Misa._

* * *

**I don't really get all the Misa hate... she may be a ditz, but I found her rather sweet, despite her screwed up morals.  
**

**Reviewers get... um... I don't know. A chance to appear in a commercial with Misa-Misa?**


	9. Sincerely, Ide

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Whose deranged brain first came up with the idea that Matsuda and I should be together? I've contemplated throwing that idiot of a top-story window more than once over the course of the investigation, with all his stupid "Have you ever been in love?" questions. He even began playing Queen's "Somebody to Love" every time I walked into the room towards the end of the investigation! _

_Why don't you try writing fics about the fact that I began to suspect Light as Kira (admittedly after Aizawa first told me his suspicions) when Near made us the offer? Or what about the fact that even though I didn't trust L and had no wish to work with him, I still went on to work against Kira in the NPA! Aizawa and I actually stood up in the NPA about Higuchi and get them to go after Higuchi even after the NPA said that they weren't going to touch Kira! I do more than get mocked by Matsuda! Stop making me his love interest!_

_Sincerely, Ide_

* * *

**If you look up fics with Ide as a primary character, you will get a LOT of slash with Matsuda. It made me laugh- I can barely remember who he was, let alone pair him with anyone.**

**Reviewers get a serenade from Matsuda!  
**


	10. Sincerely, Naomi Misora

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Please do not pair me with Beyond Birthday. I am aware that my fiancé comes across as a sexist jerk in the Death Note story. But making me fall for a deranged serial killer because of your distaste for Raye isn't the way to make me look like a strong woman. It makes me look like an idiot. Also, if you actually read my dialogue in the manga and anime, it is obvious that I care for Raye. Many of you sweep our engagement under the rug or assume that I was pressured into it. If that had been the case, I would not have wondered the streets of Tokyo looking like a zombie after his death. _

_Also, under normal circumstances I would have enacted citizen's arrest on Light for how strangely he was acting in the conversation leading up to my death. I answered as I did because the writers could not decide how to fit my deductive skills into the story without my causing Light's early capture. As fanfiction authors, you have the ability to remedy this. Please consider it._

_Sincerely, Naomi Misora._

* * *

**According to Wikipedia's article on Death Note, Naomi was supposed to have a large role, which got cut when she proved so intelligent that she would have captured Light very early in the story.**_  
_

**I've said it before, but it bears repeating: thank you everyone who reads and reviews this. Your reactions are more than half the fun of this story :)  
**


	11. Sincerely, BB

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I despise L. In fact, I hate him._

_I thought this was quite clear from my actions in Los Angeles. When I tried to surpass him, I attempted to do so by becoming the world's greatest murderer. My fixation upon him is derived from the fact that his existence and high standards caused my best friend to commit suicide, and caused me to lose any hope for a normal childhood. Every murder I commit is focused on proving him inferior to me. _

_The outcome of the contest between us was not determined by bedroom superiority. _

_If you wish to do more justice to my character, I would suggest that you take note of the fact that I am willing to kill a string of innocent people just to make a point. I like to think I qualify as a fairly disturbing villain. It would not be hard to make use of this, especially given my appearance._

_And if I have no romantic attraction to a woman like Naomi Misora, it is unlikely that I would have an interest in females who have a fraction of her intelligence and brain power._

_Sincerely, Beyond Birthday._

* * *

**I tried to keep this as spoiler-free for Death Note: Another Note as possible. And not to alienate the legions of BB fangirls- but I really don't understand your affection for him. He's a fantastic villain, though. I was thoroughly disturbed by him.**

**Reviewers get a dinner with the Death Note character of choice! Even the creepy serial killers are available :)  
**


	12. Sincerely, Raye Penber

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,  
_

_Yes, I make an obnoxious comment to my fiancée in one of my few appearances. But none of you ever bother to dig any deeper than that. Why do I get judged so harshly on a few lines spoken immediately after a violent busjacking? Why don't you look at L or Mello with the same high standards? Why don't you ever give me a similar shot at redemption, or explaining myself? Is it so hard to believe that I could be worried about Naomi when a killer with supernatural powers is running rampant? Especially when I know that she will probably want to go after the killer?_

_Perhaps I die too quickly for you to care. But even that could have changed. What if I had recognized Light's voice? Farfetched, yes, but remotely possible. And then do I decide to risk arresting him?_

_Is it really so hard to imagine that I might be a redeemable character? Or did my stress-induced words earn me a permanent black mark?_

_Sincerely, Raye Penber._

* * *

**I feel like I've completely failed at making this one funny... I can only write 'You don't write about me' in so many ways before it gets repetitive. **

**Reviewers get ****(argh, I'm running out of ideas...) a genius from Death Note to borrow for school!**_  
_


	13. Sincerely, Aiber

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Bonjour, ladies and few-and-far-between gentlemen._

_Now that I have this opportunity to bring up some questions I have, I don't plan on wasting it. You know that I have a family and that, as I made quite clear, I'm a con man. _

_It's an interesting combination, isn't it? At least I'd like to think so. But I don't see any of you ever stopping to think about that. You just write me off as someone who helps L and then gets killed. Trust me, people- there's more to me than that. In fact, if you felt like getting creative, you could have some fun with my role in the story. Admittedly it's small, but you lovely ladies have the leeway to make something more of it. What if Light decided that it wasn't worthwhile to kill Wedy and me? What would happen to the story then?_

_But don't just take my word for it. Play with ideas; it might surprise you just how interesting I can be._

_After all, I am a con man. _

_Sincerely, Aiber_

* * *

**Aiber is French, hence the 'bonjour.'****And out of curiosity, are there any guys reading this at all? FF seems overrun by females... **

**Reviewers can have a croissant with raspberry jelly! (now I'm hungry...)**_  
_


	14. Sincerely, Matt

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I actually don't have a lot to complain about. I have only twelve panels of time in the manga, and even less face time in the anime, but there are more than 5,000 fics where I'm listed as one of the primary characters. That's cool. I also like that, according to Death Note's wiki, I get third in popularity polls. Which is pretty awesome, especially since I apparently beat Light in the ranks (eat that, Kira). _

_I guess the only thing that's a little weird is that you all seem to assume Mello and I are gay for each other. Given the way he dresses, I can definitely see why… but it is possible for two guys to be just friends, you know. I guess that's something to think about? To be honest, though, I don't really care much. I've got better things to do- like kicking Sephiroth's ass- than worry about you guys. _

_By the way, my hair's brown._

_Sincerely, Matt. _

* * *

**Matt's letter was difficult, since I have absolutely no idea what his personality was like (12 panels, people! Three lines in the anime!) so I went for snarky.**

**Reviewers get a gaming session with Matt! (given how many fangirls he has, does that mean a lot of reviews? *puppydog eyes*)  
**


	15. Sincerely, Higuchi

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Nobody seems to like me here. That's understandable- and I don't really care. I have better things to think about- like putting myself at the top of the corporate world. But I am annoyed by the fact that none of you ever use your imaginations with what happened during the Yotsuba arc and what I would do with the Death Note._

_If you think about it, there was no guarantee that I would actually use the Death Note for the good of Yotsuba. What if I hadn't done that? What if I decided that I was just going to use it to make myself rich through means such as getting rich old ladies to leave all their money to me and killing them naturally through the Death Note? _

_Once you have that changed- there's a whole lot of places the plot could go. Do Light and L ever find out about the new Kira? Does Light ever regain his memory of the Death Note? Then who becomes the villain?_

_Think about it. I have to admit, being a villain would be nice. They have lots of good-looking girls._

_Sincerely, Higuchi._

* * *

**I wasn't originally going to do one for Higuchi, but after Doppelganger's Doll expressed interest in his letter, I had no choice :)**

**If you review, it'll be the fastest I've ever reached 100 reviews! (we'll ignore the fact that I have only one other multi-chaptered story.)  
**


	16. Sincerely, Rem

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I think I can lay claim to being one of the most misinterpreted characters in this fandom- that is, when you actually remember I exist._

_At no point do I ever say that I have fallen in love with Misa. I say I have come to care for her. Apparently to you humans, that is an automatic declaration of romantic love. And perhaps with you, it is. I would not know. _

_I do know that Shinigami are not capable of love as it is usually defined. Unless you define love as having an affection for someone. And I will admit that I have affection for Misa. She is sincere in her own love, even though it is blind. She has more courage than most humans, and she has a set of principles that she will not violate, even if they do not accord with those of others. _

_A Shinigami is capable of respecting that. And of wanting to preserve it._

_Sincerely, Rem._

* * *

**Rem really does not lend herself to comedy at all- but the others for this weekend should be a little more enjoyable.**

**Thanks so much everyone! Eleventy-one reviews, who'd have thought? (definitely not me!) You guys are amazing! **_  
_


	17. Sincerely, Mogi

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Am I no more than a name? Am I eternally consigned to exist as nothing more than a dour and monosyllabic presence? Is it not well known that still water runs deep? In so many cases, silence can be poignant, golden, or fraught with tension. Why is my depth so neglected and overlooked? There is tragedy and mystery in an ordinary man being swept up into a whirlwind of chaos. In my lowly character there is a chance to explore that mystery, or if your taste runs to the live-action films- tragedy. There is opportunity for mirth, if that suits your taste. All I ask is that you take notice of me, a humble player on the __Death Note__ stage._

_For what is life without an appreciation of the smallest things?_

_Sincerely, Mogi.  
_

* * *

**Apparently Mogi has a deep and beautiful soul... (Translation: I was on a ridiculous amount of caffeine when I wrote this one.)**

**Reviewers can have Mogi as a bodyguard! He'll make you look quite impressive as you go about your daily routines at school or work...**_  
_


	18. Sincerely, Watari

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Like so many characters in this fandom, I am reduced to a background presence. Which is fine with me- after all when one is under a government protection program, it's best to remain in the background._

_What's that, you ask? You thought I was Quillish Wammy, the charitable inventor? It's a credit to my acting, then. After all, have any of you ever met anyone with such an absurd name? Of course not. It happens to be an alias. My real work- well, I'm not at liberty to say. I'll leave you take a few guesses, though. After all, I'm capable of sniping a gun from a man's hand from a moving helicopter._

_But if you really wish to explore my character as I present it- well, then there are options. Why would I begin Wammy's House? Are my motives benevolent, or less so? There's room for you writers to decide. And I would also remind you that I raised the world's greatest detective. Surely you can explore that relationship in more depth than you do. I'm more than an Alfred to L's Batman._

_Sincerely, 'Watari'._

* * *

**My own theory is that Watari is James Bond in retirement and incognito.**

**Reviewers get to borrow Watari for a day! He'll provide all the sugary things you can ask for, and calmly take out bad guys in the process.  
**


	19. Sincerely, Sayu

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I'm not sure if you remember this, but Mello kidnapped me and through that experience sent me into a severe condition of PTSD, or catatonic depression, depending on how you decide to interpret my symptoms. I'm not sure where you see the foundation for romance in that. And if anything, I'm attracted to brunettes; I acknowledge that Matsuda is cute in canon! _

_And honestly, I'm tired of having nothing but romance with Mello or Matsuda in your stories. There's room to include me, even if you don't make a big deal about it. In the beginning of the story, it seems apparent that Light and I got along- that is, before he received the Death Note. So why don't any of you try to take advantage of that- perhaps tell the story from my point of view as Light grows more and more distant?_

_That's just a suggestion, though. I'm sure you can come up with other ideas. _

_Sincerely, Sayu Yagami._

* * *

**I'm a huge SayuxMatsuda shipper (Matsayu, anyone?), but Sayu needs more appreciation for her own sake.**

**Review and tell me what a lazy slob I am? Or tell me what characters you think should be included- after this weekend, I'm down to the last three Kiras, Near, and the SPK**. **Is there anyone I'm missing?**


	20. Sincerely, Sachiko

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_If I ever saw my daughter going out with someone who wears tight black leather, carries guns, and hangs out with Mafia members, I would go after him with a frying pan. And then ground Sayu. And if I saw her with this person after he kidnapped her, there would be nothing left of him. _

_Now that you have been warned-_

_I know that I hardly show up in any way in the original Death Note story, and I can understand the difficulty of including a character who has very few lines even for a background presence. But even a few one-shots could be interesting- what do you think it would be like to have a son like Light- a distant genius? A husband like Soichiro- a good man, but wrapped up in his work?_

_Romance isn't the only thing worth writing about, you know. Family can be worthwhile too._

_Sincerely, Sachiko Yagami._

* * *

**I swear I don't hate MelloSayu- written humorously, I think it can be fun. I just really love the image of Sachiko going after Mello with a frying pan.**..

**Review and Mello has to go ask Soichiro for permission to take Sayu on a date! (now I want to write that scene... methinks it would be amusing)  
**


	21. Sincerely, Soichiro

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I don't have very much to say right now; I'm still trying to help find one of the most elusive serial killers Japan (and the world) has ever known, while clearing my son's name and fulfilling my duties as Assistant Director of the NPA. I'm also trying to make sure that the task force doesn't fall apart under L's peculiarities, as well as making sure that the younger members of the team are still able to get through the day without becoming depressed or turning on each other. _

_I also have to make sure that my daughter isn't killed for the sake of the Death Note, and I'm going to have to decide later on whether or not I'm going to make the trade of half my life for Shinigami eyes to help my son emerge victorious in our battle with the Mafia. So I don't have the time to complain about the fact that I'm rarely given any consideration in your stories._

_Sincerely, Soichiro Yagami._

* * *

**Soichiro needs more appreciation, if his letter didn't make that painfully obvious. He's a really great (and criminally ignored) character. **

**Reviewers can have coffee and vent their troubles to Mr. Yagami. I think he'd be a very comforting person... maybe I'm crazy.  
**


	22. Sincerely, Takada

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I attend one of Japan's most prestigious universities. You might think I'm intelligent, but it's more by hard work than anything else. I don't think I'm anything special, but others seem to find me attractive- in fact, I was once voted a beauty queen. For some reason, complete strangers will tell me they love me. I'm Light Yagami's long-lost love interest, and I have Kira's powers._

_No, I'm not one of your original characters. My name is Kiyomi Takada. And I was brutally murdered by the person I adored and begged to save me. _

_I did believe in Light, you know. I truly thought that he meant it when he said he loved me. And I died for him; for believing in his ideal. You may not admire me, but can you at least have some sympathy? None of you seem to remember me with anything other than contempt._

_Sincerely, Kiyomi Takada._

* * *

**I'm not a Takada fan, but she got really screwed over by Light...**_  
_

**Reviewers get a diploma from the Fanfiction University of Happy Authors! (I really need coffee...)**


	23. Sincerely, Mikami

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I know that many of you are not interested in someone who acts as I do. And granted, I am somewhat ridiculous. Unfortunately, I had very little choice in the matter- I had some potential to be interesting, but the writers opted to convey my rather clichéd past via flashback. It's not the most compelling method of character development._

_But you could give me better. Perhaps explore my career as a lawyer- or even alter the story. I am a well-known prosecutor. What if someone approached me asking about how Kira could be brought to trial if caught? Think of the butterfly effect._

_And if you absolutely must interpret my devotion to Kira as love for Light, then I beg you to think logically. We do not meet until the warehouse showdown. Unless you plan on making Light the victor, we cannot be together._

_Although Light becoming the victor opens possibilities for my character. Please consider them. Especially since I have a Death Note and will not hesitate to delete you for mocking me and God in our fight for justice! My pen and notebook are at hand and I am watching!  
_

_Sincerely, Teru Mikami._

* * *

**Oh Mikami, what makes you ridiculous is your excessive deletage, not your flashback past...**

**Review and Light and Mikami will be forced to face off in an Epic Handwriting Showdown!**_  
_


	24. Sincerely, Gevanni

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Do you have any idea how annoyingly difficult it is to accurately copy someone's handwriting for SEVERAL WEEKS worth of names? If I get carpal tunnel syndrome from my time with the Death Note, I'm blaming Near. And do any of you have any idea how boring following Mikami was? Well- boring with the risk of death, given that he has Shinigami eyes. Believe me, those weeks were not fun at all. The man might have been a maniac but none of that showed in his daily life. If it had, my job might have been more interesting. And if you think the lock-picking was a piece of cake, think again. I may not have a hard time with the technicalities, but you have no idea how hard it is to explain if someone catches you in the act.  
_

_Oh, wait- I'm supposed to be complaining about my role in fanfiction? Well, I can't complain about something that's practically non-existent, can I? Though I have been paired with OCs, Mikami, and, on occasion, Lidner. But I would like to say for the record that I am NOT a pedophile, so kindly do not pair me with Near. Most people only mention me in their stories because it's hard to forget a tall, dark. handsome man. I just wish I had a bit more substance than being scenery._

_Sincerely, Gevanni. _

* * *

**I do find Gevanni a handsome man. XD And I know Near's older than he looks, but him with Gevanni is just... ugh.  
**

**Holy smoke- 202 reviews! Congratulations, Lackadaisical Willow for providing review #200! Virtual hugs for everyone! Have a party! Throw some confetti! (seriously, you have no idea how excited I am :)**

**Oh, and I actually wrote that one-shot about Mello asking Soichiro if he could date Sayu. It's called "The Course of True Love," so if you're one of the those who wanted to see that play out, it's available! Please check it out!  
**


	25. Sincerely, the Yotsuba Corporation

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_Though we are sure this will disappoint many of you, our corporate meetings, are not, in fact catalysts for orgies between the partners. Not that this will stop any of you from writing said orgies, but we would like to have it stated for the record._

_Now onto our role in the Death Note story. We believe you are familiar with Higuchi's actions during our story arc. What we would beg you to consider is the fact that all of us, at some point, were willing to use the Death Note to make ourselves richer. What if it had come to someone other than Higuchi? What if it had come to Namikawa, who was able to trick Light Yagami, one of Death Note's geniuses, into revealing that Higuchi was Kira? Or would he have used it all? _

_In short, we request more character development and less background presence._

_Sincerely, the Yotsuba Corporation._

* * *

**I have absolutely no idea if Yotsuba orgy fics exist, but nothing would surprise me anymore when it comes to fanfiction... And I had to write something for these guys to get them out of the way (even my minor character fetish has its limits).**

**Reviewers get a share in Yotsuba Corporation just in time for their rise in value! (of course given that Light and L catch them a few months later, ****you might want to think that over.)**_  
_


	26. Sincerely, Lidner

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_In one of the surveys found on some of your profiles, there's a question for whose side of the Mello/Near competition I'm on. From the very existence of that question, I'm assuming that the question of my loyalties- and the role I played- is important to the story, or at least a key matter of interest. So why do none of you ever take advantage of this? There could be a story in this- think about my actions, or if I had done anything differently. What would happen? Was Near actually aware that I was feeding Mello information? If he was ignorant, how would he react if he found out?  
_

_Some of you love exploring my supposed torrid sex-filled relationship with Mello, probably because of that damn shower scene, but that seems to be as much character development as I ever get. How do you think being a double agent affected my work and relationship with the other members of the SPK? It's not as easy to maintain a constant deception as it looks; especially when the fate of the world could ride on what you decide to tell or conceal. And believe me, for that reason, I would never sleep with Mello- doing my job was difficult enough as it was._

_Sincerely, Halle Lidner. _

* * *

**"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." I actually find MelloxLidner sort of fascinating when it's done well****. *sigh* Something's wrong with me.  
**

**What can I bribe reviewers with that's remotely related to Lidner? A ride on Mello's motorcycle?**

**... **

**That looks much dirtier typed than it sounded in my head. I'm going to stop talking now...*slinks off in shame***_  
_


	27. Sincerely, Sidoh

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I have rather a hard time giving you advice, to be frank. If you understand why I showed up in the story at all, then you're certainly smarter than me. There wasn't much need for me to come down- other than to clarify once and for all whose notebook Mello actually had. But I don't mind too much. I got some chocolate out of it. _

_So I can appreciate your difficulty including me. In fact the only aspect of the plot I might affect would be Ryuk- if I turned him in to the Shinigami King, that might affect something with the notebooks and whether ornot they'd be allowed to stay in the human world. But then again, all it might really do would be flesh out the world and rules of the Shinigami. Which actually might be rather interesting. I can't recall a detailed study about the Shinigami realm in any of your fanfictions. I guess none of you would like it, because of the lack of sexual relations between Shinigami. But it would take a great deal of effort for very little feedback, so I can see why it's not top priority for you.  
_

_Either way, as long as I actually have my notebook, I don't really care. Although if you have chocolate, I'd enjoy that too._

_Sincerely, Sidoh._

* * *

**I am so so sorry about not updating last weekend! School was awful, but given how short these are, that's no excuse... Feel free to attack me with a point-ED stick. **

**Reviewers get their very own case of chocolate bars (and Sidoh would appreciate it if you shared!)**_  
_


	28. Sincerely, Rester

_Dear Fanfiction Writers_

_I actually hate Near. He's irritating, arrogant, and I really hate working with someone who's almost half my age and who looks even younger._

_Or perhaps I don't hate him. Maybe I don't mind working with him. Maybe I admire someone who's willing to put his life on the line for no reason other than that that's what he what raised to do. Most teenagers would like to rebel against something they were assigned. But not him._

_And I'm not trying to sound schizophrenic here; I'm trying to make a point. My character is flat and completely underdeveloped. You could choose to change that. My proximity to Near is enough for me to drastically affect the story- if you choose to develop me that way. There are some possibilities in that direction; I could secretly be a Kira supporter, for instance. _

_My point is this: you know nothing about me. But you could write and get to know me better. The possibility for creativity in fanfiction is nearly unlimited, and I strongly suggest you exercise it._

_Sincerely, Rester. _

* * *

**Rester was a pain. Seriously, I don't think the guy says or does anything to render him non-cardboard cutout-y. And to those wondering, I haven't forgotten Light or Near. Next weekend is their time...**

**Reviewers get a personalized tour of the Death Note world with a character of choice for tour guide! (there's a six-month-long waiting list for Mello and Matt and a year-long one for L). **_  
_


	29. Sincerely, Linda

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I have to admit I'm impressed you remember me at all. I have one line and all you know about me is that I'm an artist. Yet some of you actually recall me clearly enough to make me a major character in some of your stories. Your memory for detail is good; if only your memory was as sharp when it came to basic grammar… but still. With only one line, I'll say it again- I'm impressed._

_Granted, most of the time in these stories I'm either the comedy-relief slut or Near's unrequited love interest. If you're going to go to the trouble of actually making a personality for someone who has exactly one line in the original story, surely you could make me a little more developed than that? I'm an artist, for crying out loud! What does that tell you about me, or about the way I might have seen things while at Wammy's? Think a little. How does someone who likes capturing things they see and hear in pictures react to never seeing L, the man we're all striving to succeed? How does that person imagine the mess that was Beyond and A? You could make me much more of a human being than you do. And since you go to the trouble of mentioning me at all, I'd like to see that humanity a little more.  
_

_Sincerely, Linda._

* * *

**I'm already working on an AU of sorts where Linda is a major character. Her personality will be nothing like the one I gave her in this letter, but I still think it'll be fun to write. #shamelessplug  
**

**Reviewers can have a gorgeously drawn sketch of their favorite Death Note character! (seriously, did you see Linda's pictures? They were phenomenal.) Unfortunately you have to autograph-hunt yourself... L's probably already in hiding.  
**


	30. Sincerely, Light

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_You all need to understand one thing: I was trying to do something GOOD._

_Yes, you can argue about whether or not I had the right to judge others. But if not me, who? Take a look at your newspaper headlines. Children are kidnapped, politicians are corrupt, and no one not directly affected ever bothers to care. Can you really say no good came of my using the Death Note? Would any of you have thought to do anything other than eliminate those you held a grudge against? _

_You should understand that I did want something better. And when I conceived my plan to rid the world of evil- what else could I do? I had already killed someone. Having discovered that the Death Note, was in fact, everything that it claimed to be, what could I do with it? Leave it in the street for someone to find and abuse? Or make good come from something evil? I could do it; surely you saw that crime rates dropped by seventy percent during the course of my reign. I'll leave you to determine whether or not that's evil. I was able to prevent war and weed out corrupt and power-hungry politicians. And believe me, the world is a better place without them. All of you need to realize that I never intended to become evil. I had to do it. Someone of my ability, with such power, had the responsibility to use it. And if the price was my conscience, then it was one I was willing to pay. I took the killings upon myself to bring safety to others._

_Now onto more personal things- the only contact I have ever had with L is his foot or fist in my mouth during our fights. NOTHING ELSE. _

_I have NEVER thought of Sayu as anything other than my sister. I may be God of the New World, but I am not Zeus. _

_I could qualify as a tragic hero in many ways. Stop casting me as a one-dimensional villain. _

_I manipulate a Shinigami into giving up its life and use everyone I come in contact with. Keep that in mind when writing your original characters._

_Stop drawing conclusions about my sexual orientation from the BACKWARDS spelling of my last name, since it is TRANSLATED FROM KANJI AND AS SUCH HAS NO RELEVANCE TO ANYTHING IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. If you must speculate, examine my interactions with the people around me. My name has nothing to do with it._

_Sincerely, Light Yagami._

* * *

**I'm tired of the mindless Light-hate. By the end of the story he had a 'heart full of unwashed socks', but he is easily one of the most compelling protagonists I have ever read. And good protagonists are VERY hard to come by.**

**One chapter left after this... geez, I wonder who that could possibly be.**

**Reviewers ****get... oh gosh, I don't know. ****Light's brainpower for a day. Yep, that'll do. Lord knows I could use it.**


	31. Sincerely, Near

_Dear Fanfiction Writers,_

_I have absolutely no interest in anything that you write, choose to write about, or read. I suppose it's odd that you pair me with Mello, Gevanni, Linda, or anyone, for that matter. But as none of you seem capable of relating to me or understanding me, I see no reason to bother about it. _

_All my life I've been groomed to be L's successor. It's all I've been raised to do. Everything I ever do is done with the idea that I have to step into his shoes, fill his role, and, because of the events of the Death Note, succeed where he had failed. As you know, I did not do so- I could not have done it without Mello's help. _

_In a way that's strange; I'm a loser in more ways than one, I suppose. I never had the chance to know myself as anything other than the next L. Or perhaps it would be better to say I never took the chance. Either way, I still lost, even when it counted. Even when I had to be L, I still was unable to do so. In the end, I have very little to call my own, even if I am one of the greatest detectives in the world._

_You're welcome to speculate on how that makes me feel. I have no intention of divulging that information to you. Confessing oneself to determined hatred only changes the other person's mind if they are willing to listen. And I'm not sure you're ready to do that._

_Sincerely, Near._

_P.S. If any of you are on this site to improve your writing, I strongly suggest you learn the basic rules of grammar. And to those who write short drabble stories such as this one: if you want to improve your writing, I suggest you make better use of your time and write your own original work._

_N. _

* * *

**I love Near; bring it on, haters! He's got to be one of the saddest and loneliest characters DN has. **

**I still can't believe this is over. I've had so much fun writing this story and goofing off with the characters' perspectives. If any of these letters have given you plot bunnies, let them grow! Write them- and I'd love a link, if you got the idea from this fic. Pretty please... Show that there is a hell of a lot more to the Death Note characters. Let us make a New World of Death Note fanfiction where character depth and consistency are respected and the evils of poor writing are crushed! (I sound like Light. Heaven help me.)**

**And last but not least: the glorious, lovely, far-too-many-to-name-here reviewers. You are marvelous and I never ever expected this fic to get this kind of response.**** To every reader as well, whether or not you reviewed, I can see the hits and love it. You're all amazing.**

**So, reviewers: this time you get- well, this is Near. His entire stash of robots, finger-puppets, kick-butt card and dice cities, cars, cards, and whatnot is yours for a week. So hit that blue button one last time!**

**Now I should go take Near's advice... bring it on, NaNoWriMo.  
**


End file.
